About 12 months ago I went to a seminar with an extremely good sport psychologist. I won’t mention his name, but as far as Rugby Union goes, he would be very hated by the Australian supporters as a result of his efforts in the 2003 world cup with the English team. He mentioned a very good point at the start of the discussion. Whenever a team is doing bad or on a losing streak, the first person to blame is the coach, not the players, but the coach isn’t running on the field and kicking the ball or making the tackles, he is only telling them what the plan is and what he wants them to do. Is it his fault they are not following the plan? Maybe the players are not being as accountable for their actions as they should, because after all, it’s them playing the game isn’t it?
So this takes me to a question I think all coaches, be it part time, full time or any time need to ask themselves….
“What do my students really believe they should be getting from me?”
We may all generic answers for that.
1. To motivate
2. To inspire
3. To make them realise their full potential
4. To give guidance
And I am sure there are a few more there, but you get the idea.. And when I say “generic”, I mean these are the things we WANT to be as a coach, in any sport.
But then the next question they should ask themselves is…..
“What am I really meant to be doing as a coach?”
This one is tough, because you really need to be very clear from the start as to what it is you want to be YOURSELF as a coach, and there must be a line.
To use my own students as test subjects, I made a couple of groups write down what they feel I should be doing for them as a coach, and there were some mixed answers. Some gave the same answers as above, and then some gave very specific answers, one of which was “to show me what is right”, and this really got me thinking.
Here’s what I think I do as a coach at any given time
- Motivate
- Inspire
- Life coach
- Business advice
- Relationship Counsellor
- Voice of Reason
- Employer
- Taxi Driver
- Referee
- Parent enlisted motivator (Kyoshi said to tidy your room)
- Fashion advice (I know right?)
- Time management advice
- Nutrition advice
- Injury advice
- Driving instructor
- Mediator
- Sounding board
And I am sure there are more there…. I am contacted for any of these things 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, but hey – THAT’S MY JOB – RIGHT? (That isn’t meant to sound harsh either – but these days it is my job).
Oh – and TEACH MARTIAL ARTS?!??!?!?!?!
And this is the overall point behind what we do. Our initial ideas of what we come to The Shed for in my case, as time goes on multiply over and over – but there has to be a line.
My biggest issue as a coach is that I am often TOO passionate. I am reminded by my wife (MY voice of reason) all the time when I get frustrated with a student that isn’t performing how I expect them too “not everyone is going to be as passionate as you” – But they should, right?
At the end of the day I realise now we are not all formatted the same, and I know that there are some people that sometimes the only reason that they come to training is so I don’t get angry at them for not coming or to just keep me happy. I notice this every time I go away – The numbers always drop a bit. A long time ago in my previous job, if I was not going to be at training one night due to work, if I was asked, I would just say I was because I knew they would be less motivated to come if I wasn’t there, and there could be a number of reasons for that, but bottom line, they didn’t come.
I went through a real rough period coaching recently. I noticed I became very frustrated and irritable with students if they didn’t do what I prescribed, if they didn’t turn up every single session, and didn’t want to listen. I was burning up so much time through the day doing this it was taking me away from my other core business demands, and this was then making me even more irritable because I was getting behind in my own work. Now I do know these can sometimes be the job of a coach to push our students and motivate them, but there has to be a line.
I found if people were not at training or weren’t pushing hard enough for my liking I was just angry and irritable at training, and I didn’t like that person, and to a point I was throwing my hands up in the air and saying to myself “why bother?”
I found they were not coming to me as regularly as they were afraid of me blasting them for not doing enough, and I was becoming less and less approachable. I should be the exact opposite, but then I sat back, had a chat to myself (I do that a lot), and I decided it was time to change, and with that a new era was born…..
Introducing the N.P.P – THE NO PUSH POLICY
Now don’t get me wrong, I will still follow up students I haven’t seen for a while to see if they are ok, and I still care for my students because they are my family, but here is what the NPP involves.
I realise now that I cannot control people and their actions outside of the shed when they are out of my sight, and whatever else they choose to do, BUT, I can control them while they are under my roof, and this is the time I will focus on them. As I say to my students “When you come into here and put that Gi or shorts on, for the time you are here, I own you, and you coming here is you accepting that.” I will do this with a smile on my face, because this is what I love to do – to coach, and to get the best out of people, but if they don’t want to follow what I tell them to do in their own time, then I can’t control that.
When I follow up those students I care about so much and they tell me they can’t come to training because they are busy doing this or doing that, that’s ok – They have prioritized themselves, and that is also ok, because we are all formatted differently.
When I explained this new policy to my higher coloured belts and black belts, I think a few of them were a little relieved that I will get off their backs and leave them alone a bit, which I will, but there is only one real issue with the NPP, and it’s not my issue.
Now, the student themselves becomes 100% accountable for their actions. If they want to learn, they now have to seek the information and reignite their passion and re-ask themselves why they are really there, because as cool as it is to get that freedom, they cannot now blame me when I turn and say “you are not ready to grade” as all the pressure is on them now. By adopting this policy also, I believe people will actually train for longevity, as I believe in Martial Artists spend too much time chasing rank, and I have said to people if rank is all you are here for, then you will ultimately never get it, because you are missing the whole point of what we do.
I needed my students to know that like them, I have a personal and private life too, and sometimes when they message me randomly at an ungodly hour of the day and night and I don’t answer them, I might actually be busy doing something like them, and I will get back to them, when I can, because I can’t be there to coach them 24/7.
I have found over time that the more we really push students, the more chance we have of ultimately losing them. Now there is a line to the push, as by pushing them too much, they don’t develop the ability to push themselves, meet deadlines, and celebrate rewards they achieved themselves. Previously I have had students in the past that when I told them they would be grading (Dan grades usually), they just went off and got ready, and they by far did the best gradings.
Others have had to be pushed, pushed, pushed and pushed so much that there were arguments with them, and so much tension, that when they did finally grade, they sometimes had quit within a week or two after the event, and I felt so deflated at the end of it, because I felt like I had failed. I truly believe that ultimately those students remained with us just to please us, and that’s not right, as they are ultimately there to please themselves.
Every coach wants their students to do well, but their gradings are THEIR GRADINGS. I have students this year that will not do their individual gradings they could have done based on their timelines, even after some came to me wanting advice, and you know what, that’s OK. They have made the choice, and they are 100% accountable. As much as they will look for an excuse or some sort of way to justify why they didn’t do it, it was all up to them, and that’s that. Again, I can’t compare every student to what I did, because every time I was given the nod to grade I did it, and sacrificed so much in the process. Instead of my coach telling me to work harder, in one case my coach tried to talk me OUT of grading, because he didn’t want me to perform with an injury I had at the time was not healed at time, but I did it, and I think it’s the best one I ever have done, and that to me is what made it so special – It was all me.
So to try and summarize all this, I really believe the NPP is working at the moment at The Shed. The morale is right up there in all our groups, I can see people pushing themselves with a smile, and the people that are grading this time around are working hard THEMSELVES to do that. The gradings they do they will have earned them by their own actions, and I could not be happier to see people achieve beyond their wildest dreams THEMSELVES.
There will be people this time that could have graded but are not, but that is because they have not done the work THEMSELVES. I could have pushed and pushed them and consumed myself so much doing this, but that’s not in my job description. They will have some blame to pass onto me, but ultimately if they wanted to do it bad enough they would have listened, they would have made the sacrifices, they would have not put it in the too hard basket straight away, and they would understand that I have been down the road they are travelling before, so I know exactly what they are going through, and not dismiss my advice.
It’s OK TO NOT DO EVERYTHING ALL AT ONCE, but you need to do these gradings or whatever milestone it might be as a result of your passion, not your obligation.
1.Train for training’s sake
2. The only person you compare yourself today is yourself yesterday
3. You are 100% accountable for your own actions. Don’t make excuses.
4. Whatever you want to do in life, do it because YOU want to.
5. Don’t get upset with circumstances you can’t control.
6. Listen to your coach……. He / She actually might know more than you think you do…….
Do those and everything else will just happen…….
#cma4life